Because Bushwick requires its own separate list for generalized Brooklyn lists, The Burning Bush compiled a supplemental one you may want to read in addition to The L Magazine‘s. Read on for a glimpse into the burgeoning young talent pool in what Anna Wintour once mistakenly called one of the world’s coolest neighborhoods.
1) Ursula Mousse: Barely making the cut off for the list, Ursula Mousse, local pop tart maker, image cake connoisseur and ice cream pasties creator, is the embodiment of someone who picked herself up by her tattered bra straps and made shit happen. Mousse left Bosnia-Herzegovina in 1997 when she was just 12-years-old, gradually making her way over to Bushwick by the time she was 27. In just two short years, she’s become one of the most powerful business owners in the neighborhood.
2) Basique Beech: The 20-year-old hostess at Dear Bushwick is sure to be a polarizing figure on this list because, to quote Beech herself, “Most people think I’m too pretty to live.” Nonetheless, Beech is too representative of a Bushwick archetype–the slutty ingenue–to ignore.
3) Moonchild Von Rogg: Another 29-year-old who makes our list by the skin of her teeth. Although Von Rogg bounced a long time ago, we’re all still feeling the after effects of her memorable performance art.
4) “Dorian Gray“: “Dorian Gray” is you and me and every Bushwickian with an inability to resist temptation.
5) Lukat Mi: Another person who barely makes the cut off, 29-year-old Lukat Mi, the writer of Bushwick Lyfe, indicates that the literary scene in this neighborhood is a wasteland of self-importance.
6) John Bookworm: 24-year old Bookworm contributed to the Bored in Bushwick short story collection. His piece, entitled “Grasping at Straws–and Pumps Strippers,” was an all too familiar tale about being obsessed with going to Pumps.
7) Honora Pretense: Honora Pretense emigrated to Bushwick from Long Island. The 26-year-old started her own printing press, Squint Print, about two years ago. She has published every Bushwick-related book you can think of.
8) Esoteria Essex: With a name like Esoteria Essex, you would think 21-year-old Esoteria would be from somewhere exotic, but no, she’s just another Midwesterner who found her way into the alt-lit scene. She, too, contributed to Bored in Bushwick, with a story called, “I Fart New York.”
9) Plath Sexton: This 19-year-old shares a trait in common with Lady Gaga: they both got raped when they were 19. You can read about it in her short story, “The Rape of My Vagina in a Bushwick Alley.”
10) Roland Cliterature: Favoring experimental prose, 22-year-old Roland Cliteature’s story, “Untitled Experiment,” took Bushwick by storm with its use of words no one had ever heard of before. Like “pusillanimous.”
11) Matilde Grenadi: As the owner of Sultry Socking, 26-year-old Matilde Grenadi has changed the way Bushwickians wear their socks, elevating each pair to an art with her hand-stitched designs, It takes her about three weeks to make one pair, cobbling them together from other sock pieces.
12) Slutta Sax: 26-year-old Slutta Sax had the courage, much like Nicki Minaj, to declare her hatred of women by founding the group, Women Hating Women. Because there sure are a lot of annoying bitches in this town that you just want to punch in the face.
13) Anorexia Nervosa: This feminist-loving 28-year-old is one of the best testicle bocce ball players Bushwick has ever seen, and was once quoted as saying, “We’ll pluck the testicles right off any dude we still even think has a pair.”
14) Melvin Mondodick: Another 28-year-old who put Bushwick on the map this past World AIDS Day with his “moving” condom sculpture.
15) Beelzebub Capitalikst: During the abstinence craze of Bushwick, 26-year-old Beelzebub Capitalikst showed her business acumen by taking advantage of the of-the-moment need for chastity belts with her store, Chastity’s Boner.
16) Erica Appliance: Proving 28 might be the best age to accomplish something, Erica Appliance is the heroine of domesticity in Bushwick. Elucidating that you don’t have to dress like Betty Draper (just feel like her) as a Bushwick housewife, Appliance is an inspiration to monogamists throughout the neighborhood.
17) Mia Alone: And, speaking of monogamy, what would our 30 Under 30 List be without Mia Alone on it? This staunch 25-year-old monogamist founded her own “Monogamists Only” building in response to the polyamory building that went up earlier this year.
18) Fendenetta Vedge: One of the foremost poster children for the ultimate Bushwick dream: unemployment. This 23-year-old bag of lazy bones gets more accomplished in one day (e.g. watching Berlin Alexanderplatz in its entirety) than most people do in a two-week span at work.
19) Zadie Equalist: Creator of the disgusting calendar, Schlubs of the Shwick, 22-year-old Equalist knows how to make people vomit and how to open the average Bushwickian man’s eyes to how gross his body is.
20) Amanda Bynes: This ever-crazier 28-year-old couldn’t help but set her sights on crazy-friendly Bushwick after leaving FIT in San Diego. Plus, she’s way edgier than that pussy, Zosia Mamet, anyway.
21) Frankie Quintard: 28 in dog years, Frankie Quintard rallied hard when the a ban on dogs in Bushwick bars prevented him from enjoying his favorite pastime: trolling. The result? His dogs only bar on Central and Willoughby avenue, Drinks at Tiffany’s.
23) Bensonia: Making youth look like it’s as easy to hold on to as an unpaid parking ticket, Bensonia shows us how it’s done when it comes to looking like you just got birthed.
24) Wally Wallop: 29-year-old Wally Wallop took over Kip Boyano’s position as the leader of the Psycho Cyclists this year after Boyano’s demise at the 11th Annual Bike Kill.
25) The Wicked Bitch of Bushwick: Sure, she’s a bitch, but at least she says what no one else will. When asked to confirm that her age was under 30, The Wicked Bitch seethed, “Do you really think I would allow myself to be over 30?”
26) Bradley Knowhow: 24-year-old Bradley Knowhow came up with the idea for an app to track whether landlords are turning on heat in the winter. Sure, it failed miserably, but so few Bushwickians are inventors that he kind of had to be on the list.
27) Harry Feinstein: 24-year-old co-creator Harry Feinstein provided Knowhow with the capital for his failed project.
28) Pristine Pussy: Co-founder of Cunt Face, 26-year-old Pristine Pussy was compelled to start her own company in order for people to stop accusing her of being just another rich bitch responsible for raising the rents in the neighborhood.
29) Yamanda Decadent: As the other half of Cunt Face, 27-year-old Yamanda Decadent often looks to Xanax to inspire her color palette choices.
30) Jerry Tool: Rounding out a list chock full of literary types, 25-year-old Jerry Tool is the author of Rich Kids of Bushwick, a harrowing tale about those Bushwick inhabitants with money who have turned the neighborhood into their playground of iniquity.
So what does this list ultimately prove? Nothing, really. Except that no one over 30 lives in Bushwick, and anyone can be a mild success if they attach the words “writer” or “artist” to themselves.
Written by Genna Rivieccio