Many a person has tried (and failed) to destroy the McKibbin. But they really ought to know by now that it’s fairly everlasting–unlike the Cook Street lofts. The walls are fortified with a resilient combination of dried cum, crusted on cocaine and broken dreams.
But the universe still clearly has it in for a building that once possessed a Starbucks within its bowels and briefly tried to get its hold on Lit Lounge. The person whose apartment started the fire, Rue Daday, a 23-year-old from South Carolina, stated that one of her “gentleman callers” wanted to use her hair dryer for his long Bushwick millionaire locks and left the cord plugged in, prompting the delicate outlet to spark an electrical fire.
“I truly am sorry for any pain or anxiety I may have caused,” Daday stated. “I was just tryin’ to be hospitable after gettin’ an orgasm. I thought it was the least I could do. I didn’t rightly know I had just consummated my night with a bit of a retard.” Residents who suffered smoke inhalation and property damage seemed unmoved by the event. “Honestly, this is the least annoying thing that’s happened here in awhile,” explained Markus Yoosedtoit, a longtime lease-holder in the building. And so, the McKibbin lives to see another day–for now.
Written by Genna Rivieccio