Actual Corpse Spotted Hanging Out At The Cobra Club

April 3, 2015 1 494 Bars, bars in bushwick, Hipster Commentary, News, Uncategorized

There have been multiple sightings of what appears to be an actual corpse hanging out at the Cobra Club this past week. The corpse in question, who regulars and employees of the local bar have taken to calling Petey Pestilence, was initially spotted on March 23rd. Some speculate that Petey Pestilence actually died at the bar after a night of drowning his desolation in booze, a fate which surely could have been avoided had Pestilence used the Drink Your Feelings app to seek out a suitable drinking compadre.


Some may see Petey Pestilence’s condition to be inauspicious, but truth be told, the level of cadaver that Pestilence maintains holds an authenticity which is far more supreme than any of the self-proclaimed “dead soul” poseurs who trudge Bushwick professing utter vacancy. For this, Petey Pestilence has gained some level of a Bushwick celebrity status.

Even dead, Petey seems to have no trouble getting laid.

Even dead, Petey seems to have no trouble getting laid.

He’s even won the approval of the bartenders working at the local haunt. “Petey Pestilence hanging out here at the Cobra Club greatly contributes to our aesthetic. He’s the real deal. He doesn’t even have a pulse, dude. Petey isn’t really the most sociable guy, but he doesn’t bother anybody with the exception of emanating a rather putrid scent… the latter can be said for a number of other patrons here at the Cobra Club, though,” bartender Kram Drex told us of his favorite new regular. “He’s really generous too, he never minds when everyone gets a round on his tab.” Rumor has it that Pestilence’s tab (which has been open for an undetermined amount of time) has racked up to be nearly $9,000, although no one seems to be concerned about when or how the tab will actually be closed. The Burning Bush will provide updates on the matter pending Pestilence’s exponential decay.

Written by Nicole Benson

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