All Kale Snatched Up at Brooklyn’s Natural After Run On Supplies

January 27, 2015 1 428 Hipster Commentary, Local Business, News
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Manufactured fear was in full effect yesterday, with many Bushwickians terrified of being out of key supplies they needed in order for everyday survival. One such essential everyday furnishment is kale. No quintessential Bushwickian of the “millennial” sect can go without it, especially when the threat of imminent destruction is afoot.

One of the last precious leaves of kale

One of the last precious leaves of kale

In the early part of the day on January 26th, the line at Brooklyn’s Natural was normal enough, but by mid-afternoon, the queue extended out the door and people were quickly beginning to act like buzzards fighting over an already cleanly pecked carcass. One customer, Liam Greenleaf, a 29-year-old graduate student at Brooklyn College, complained, “Every time I put my hand on a bushel of kale, it was snatched right out from under me. There was absolutely no sense of human decency yesterday at Brooklyn’s Natural. It was every man for his kale.”

Re-creation of Bushwickians fighting over kale as snow fell around them

Re-creation of Bushwickians fighting over kale as snow fell around them

Owner SamWuTang also commented on the atrocities committed over kale by noting, “I’ve never seen white people look so passionate about anything.” WuTang also delivered the blow that “our next shipment of kale won’t be coming in for another week and a half.” Looks like city commuting for your kale is going to have to force many residents out of the Bushwick bubble.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

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