Just when you thought New York was safe again after Craig Spencer, the bowler with ebola, was released from Bellevue Hospital earlier this week with a clean bill of health, another scare finds its way to Bushwick. On the heels of an ebola outbreak at King Noodle, the latest burst of it has now been linked back to none other than local strip club Pumps.
Apparently, one of the strippers, Candee Gram, a 21-year-old from Wisconsin (it doesn’t matter which part), had unknowingly contracted the disease from the same guy who gave it to Sadie Vein, the first girl to have put her disease in us like Dennis Hopper in Blue Velvet. Gram, too, thought she was getting the sweet end of the bargain by sleeping with Bartholomew Bat, a regular customer at Pumps in spite of his East Village residence, in exchange for trinkets and cash.
Thus, one night while giving Bat a private lap dance that stepped well over the normal limits of strip club propriety, Gram grinded up against Bat very thoroughly, with all parts of her body making contact with his pre-cum. Later that night, while engaged in a lesbian orgy with her fellow strippers (because that’s always what goes on after hours), Gram started to feel faint as she spread her ebola to a slew of other Pumps strippers. Needless to say, the club is still open in spite of this minor setback. There are currently two strippers available to give you a show. In the meantime, they’re looking to hire for the holidays, so Bushwick sluts, get in line for the pole.
Written by Genna Rivieccio