WARNING: MIGHT NOT BE SO “SAFE FOR WORK.”
Just when the folk of Bushwick thought they had seen it all, local performance artist Lilliana Foxtrot came along and decided to incorporate some good old gardening tricks into her most recent masterpiece. While this bit of information alone may not sound too compelling based on the fact that your grandmother is the only person you know who is capable of gardening without committing botanical genocide, Foxtrot is using a crevice very different from what you’d see in a ceramic pot to plant her precious seeds.
“I haven’t moved from this position in over a week,” Lilliana tells us as she lays on her back with her legs spread, bottomless on the sidewalk in front of The Narrows. Foxtrot, who filled her gash with miracle grow and daffodil seeds earlier this month, says her bestie, Mitch Hamswart, has been a huge help. “He sticks around and waters and feeds me throughout the day. He’s such a great friend.” We got a chance to speak with Hamswart regarding his opinion on the matter, who said that he wasn’t sure how successful Foxtrot would be in achieving her goal, but that he would be by her side every step of the way. “I did think I saw something growing out of there for a moment, but it ended up just being a worm. I just think that art of this magnitude can’t be rushed… if we have to wait around until spring, then so be it.”
Though Lilliana’s outlandish display may appear to be nothing more than a doltish attempt at gaining notoriety as a Bushwick artist possessing a mere fraction of originality, she not-so-surprisingly has found support from the controversial radical feminist group, We The Femmes, who fail to grasp the concept that there could possibly something that a vagina can’t do. No strangers to performance art themselves, We The Femmes have decided to rally in support of Lilliana Foxtrot by joining her. “Why wait around for one flower to bloom from one woman when you can grow a whole garden of defiance against female body shaming? That’ll really put a thorn into the side of The Man,” We The Femmes leader, Petunia Rosenthal tells The Burning Bush.
As scientifically impossible as this little stunt appears to be in terms of achieving success, we can’t deny that it would be quite impressive if they did manage to create the world’s first ever vaginal flower bed. I mean, I still can’t even figure out how to do kegel… so there’s that.
Written by Nicole Benson