Art Bitch

November 2, 2017 Comments Off on Art Bitch 347 Art, News

Art bitch is that girl who looks like Lena Dunham in a Sia wig–or simply like Lena Dunham in general. Art bitch is the girl who makes extremely shitty art yet somehow pervasively spreads it throughout the neighborhood in a way that forces people to consume and absorb its flat-out horribleness. It’s not even that it’s banal or unoriginal (this type of art can sometimes be enjoyable–see: Mr. Brainwash). It’s just bad.

Art bitch stalks every street you turn on

Yet somehow, art bitch persists with a design emblematic of her own very nature: inescapable and abrasive. No one wants to view her work, but they are forced to merely because of her knack for self-promotion, prattling on about her superiority and knowledgeability.

She bombards our eyes at every turn

The best analogy for art bitch is Misty (Clea DuVall) from She’s All That–the girl who thinks her shite work is a cut above those who are actually doing something different and often therefore under the radar. And the Laney Boggses (Rachael Leigh Cook) of the world are torn down by her because they’re actually talented. But to convince them otherwise, the Mistys/art bitches say things like, “Sav and I, we toured the Prado over break, and–that’s in Spain–and, um, we got in this discussion one day at the cafe…just about–about how many artists are really only truly appreciated posthumously. Van Gogh, Pissarro. And then your name came up. And Sav thought–actually, we both thought…that it might be a good idea for you if, um–you killed yourself. Think about it.”

In truth, however, it’s the art bitches who ought to be offing themselves so as to stop spreading the increasingly prevalent acceptance of mediocrity as actual art. But no, she must constantly declare, “I am an artist. I am an art bitch.”

Written by Genna Rivieccio

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