Average Bushwickian Uncertain What a Turkey Looks Like

November 25, 2014 3 609 News, Psychology

With Thanksgiving around the bend, the line in the sand between the true Bushwickian (those who stay in the neighborhood–whether for Friendsgivings or to lie in a fetal position beneath a bare bulb) and those who run home to mommy and daddy is firmly drawn. The latter type of Bushwickian is all too familiar with what a turkey looks like, as they’ve been continuing to stuff their faces with it on an annual basis. The former sect of Bushwickian, however, has long ago forgotten what the shape, size and color of a turkey is.

"Turkey? Qu'est-ce que c'est?"

“Turkey? Qu’est-ce que c’est?”

Trent Orfin, a 25-year-old performance artist who holds a yearly gathering on Thanksgiving for those who aren’t pussies and have no desire to go home to their families, said he usually cooks up a more French-inspired meal. Orfin explained, “I know the word turkey, but I can’t quite place what it looks like, neither in live or dead form. Plus, why cook something just because Thanksgiving tradition dictates it? No, my dinner is far superior to your typical ‘turkey,’ whatever that is.”

"Do you not know me?"

“Do you not know me?”

Regular attendees to the all-day festivities tended to agree with Orfin. Gwen Joiner, a 26-year-old SEO specialist, confirmed, “I’m fuzzy on what turkeys are supposed to taste like. It’s been so long since I’ve had a conventional suburban Thanksgiving that I couldn’t tell you anymore. All I know is, Orfin’s jambon and gruyère platter is to die for.” So if you, too, are like many other Bushwickians unable to go home this holiday, it’s time to eradicate the memory of what a turkey looks like and embrace the exoticness of other fowl.

Written by Genna Rivieccio