Backlog At Bogart Street Subway Entrance Caused by Collective Labor Day Hangover Haze

September 2, 2014 2 701 L Train, MTA, News
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If you were trying unsuccessfully to get onto the subway at Morgan Avenue via the Bogart Street entrance this morning, you weren’t alone. After a weekend of extended, no holds barred drinking and drugging, it’s no surprise that everyone was a bit too retarded to accurately swipe their Metro Card anywhere near the card swiper. The first person to fuck up the line to the turnstile was Zara Incompetente, a French 24-year-old who has been staying at New York Loft Hostel in between commuting to the city for her internship at MTV and getting wasted at Hail Hail.

Backlog of hangover retards

Backlog of hangover retards

Incompetente admitted to The Burning Bush, “Maybe if it hadn’t been for me, things wouldn’t have gotten so out of hand this morning. I feel like I set off a chain of ineptitude that couldn’t be stopped once it started. It was like I was sanctioning the others to embrace their hangover stupidity.” After ten minutes of swiping at random, Incompetente finally made it through. Subsequently, it took everyone behind her the same amount of time to swipe their card in leading by her example. The result was an unprecedented backlog of Bushwickians groaning and grunting as they attempted to get into the rhythm of working their freelance jobs again after a glorious three-day reprieve. Undeniably, the summer has reached its end, forcing many Bushwickians to get back into a faintly stronger working mentality–which really just means two fewer drinks at lunch. 

Written by Genna Rivieccio

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