As if the threat of Blue Bottle’s competition wasn’t enough to put Swallow’s Bushwick coffee prestige in peril, a rash of bad daily sandwich board updates has led to the firing of one, Marco Malarte, a 23-year-old design student at Pratt who seemed to use his creativity in all facets of his job except with regard to the board strategically placed in front of the edifice.
“I thought being as literal as possible is what people wanted. I guess I’m not abstract enough for most Bushwickians,” Malarte expressed with sadness in his eyes. The final nail in the coffin of his employment was yesterday’s dryly written: “Eat our bagels with tuna on them!” Not even an exclamation point was going to save this level of unoriginalness.
The manager who fired Malarte, Byron Callas (no relation to Maria), apologized, “We are so sorry to any of our customers who have been offended by the terrible quality of our outdoor messaging. It is supposed to be intended to allure, not repel. We have hired local graffiti artist Zerococks to handle our sandwich board art from now on.” Malarte has since moved on to a job as a cashier at nearby Mary Meyer.
Written by Genna Rivieccio