Bartender Murdered After Skipping Over Patron’s Jukebox Selections

August 13, 2015 2 979 Hipster Commentary, Uncategorized

Bushwick police arrived at the Johnson’s on Troutman Street late in the evening last night following reports of a dispute gone sour. Police found Sean Waverly dead on the floor in a pool of his own blood with a paring knife protruding from his eye. According to witness statements, a group of local women became irate with Waverly after he skipped over songs that they had purchased on the Jukebox.

Quinta,  Burrone, Rollins, and a rando just moments before the argument ensued.

Quinta, Burrone, and Rollins pictured with friends just moments before the argument ensued.

“He skipped over Britney Spears to play Miley Cyrus. I can’t think of a punishment better fit for such an abominable crime,” said Martina Quinta, one of the alleged attackers. “After the first two songs didn’t play, I assumed that the Jukebox was on the fritz or something. It wasn’t until I heard ‘Party in the USA’ playing and saw the bartender dancing along when I realized our night was being deliberately sabotaged.” Quinta, who was in handcuffs along with her two accomplices, Natalia Burrone and Jenine Rollins, said she felt that Waverly was taunting her and her friends. “He offered to buy us a round of drinks to make up for it, but that’s not the point. It’s the whole principle!”


Witnesses say that the women became noticeably indignant when Miley Cyrus began playing and that the ordeal had escalated rather quickly. “There was some shouting going on back and forth and then suddenly he was being attacked by these women,” said Brian Chatterman, who was sitting at the other end of the bar. “The next thing I knew, there was blood everywhere.” We can only hope that this grisly incident serves as a warning to bartenders everywhere.

Written by Nicole Benson