Every bartender in Bushwick has this tendency to ultimately become persona non grata in the eyes of most women who end up fucking them. But there is one drink slinger in particular who has really pissed the local
boning dating pool off.
That man is none other than Suave Martini, a 23-year-old who is known throughout the Eastern Seaboard as a diseased lothario not to be trusted. But his reputation had yet to precede him when he arrived in Bushwick about a month ago, taking up residence behind the bar at Commodore II. It was there he began his merciless conquest of just about every girl from there to the Halsey stop. And, unlike Benji Booferman, the pale unkempt dreamboat who caused mass swooning by wearing the latest Converse model, Martini sought to bed these women whether they were initially interested or not.
Although Martini could not comment on the matter as a result of being tarred and feathered by a mob consisting of approximately twenty-five women, it was clear that he had some sort of sex addiction based on his need to pursue every person with a vagina who sat at the bar. Now that he’s been “dealt with,’ the second wave of a contaminated pussy outbreak can finally be quelled.
Written by Genna Rivieccio