Considering that almost every basique in Bushwick has a pizza tattoo and Roberta’s is the best thing the neighborhood has going for it, it’s only natural that a new pizza cutting device in the shape of every Bushwickian’s other favorite thing, a bike, would become destined for success.
Sold exclusively at a recently opened novelty shop called Heap, which specializes in the purveying of “generally useless items in the shape of things that hipsters like,” the pizza cutter has sold out for the time being, and can be easily stolen from any kitchen in Bushwick. “Yeah, I guess I probably wouldn’t notice if someone took it from my kitchen. I’m never really in there ’cause I usually just buy an egg sandwich from Brooklyn’s Natural. That’s the extent of my diet,” noted Samantha Peckeesh, a 23-year-old student in between jobs.
“I don’t know if the trend is going to last in the long term, but it seems like it could,” stated Heap owner Bronwith Magnum, a 55-year-old originally from Shoreditch. “You know, I named this shop Heap not just because I sell heaps of shit, but because it’s a derivative of ‘heapster,’ which is how a foreigner might pronounce the word–and, as you know, there are a lot of foreigners in this town.” Magnum’s non sequitur comments led The Burning Bush to wonder, has he been gnawing on the chemical-laden plastic of the pizza cutter in his spare time?
Written by Genna Rivieccio