Black Hole Discovered in McKibbin Lofts

May 13, 2014 11 3113 Hipster Commentary, News
Share!

Even though it never comes as a surprise when something gross or appalling happens at the McKibbin, The Burning Bush was briefly flabbergasted to learn that there’s a black hole (not of the vagina variety this time) in the basement of both 248 and 255 McKibbin Street. The 255 side, notoriously janker and lacking in rooftop access, was the first black hole reported from resident Jordan Stank.

Something sinister lurks within

Something sinister lurks within

Stank reported, “I was stumbling home drunk the other night when I first noticed it. I live on the ground floor, but ended up in the basement where I thought my apartment was. I thought the hole was just another weird stain (there’s a lot of those in the McKibbin) but then I noticed it was sucking me in as I got closer.”

Hordes flock around the McK due to inexplicable pull from black hole

Hordes flock around the McK due to inexplicable pull from black hole

This account was also confirmed by another resident, John Basic. “When Jordan told me about what he saw, I couldn’t believe it. I went down there to see for myself and caught sight of this kinda hot girl I’d seen around the neighborhood being pulled in by it. It made me sad when I thought about how I would never be able to hook up with her now.”

The eerie stairwell that leads to the basement

The eerie stairwell that leads to the basement

Upon receiving this information, The Burning Bush probed further into the situation at 248 McKibbin. While it may be considered the “posher” side of the street, it was not immune to the appearance of a black hole. When The Burning Bush attempted to contact the landlord, who owns both buildings, for his comments and proposed solution, all we got was a generic message saying it was Shabbos.

The black hole

The black hole

As more residents continue to be pulled into the hole, it leaves one wondering: How is there still so much riffraff left in the neighborhood?

Written by Genna Rivieccio

11 Comments