Like the Charlie’s Angels sequel, one doesn’t just add “Full Throttle” to something if he doesn’t mean business. That’s why Blue Bottle’s not so triumphant entry in to Bushwick territory, specifically near the McKibbin lofts, which will never not be shit no matter how many bougie establishments people try to mask its terribleness with, is going to get a special name–Blue Bottle: Full Throttle.
The manager of this branch, Wiley Rowst, a 25-year-old who they hauled out from San Francisco just to oversee the operation, stated, “We want to make the coffee experience seem as daunting as possible to these grody McKibbinites. They need to be put in their places and learn what coffee really tastes like. That’s why we’ll have daily cuppings (which will of course cost $40 to participate) and coffee/pastry pairing classes to teach Bushwickians the way of connoisseurship.”
More of a bane than a blessing to Bushwickians, residents looking for a job can at least take comfort in the fact that Blue Bottle: Full Throttle is currently hiring baristas for an hourly rate of $30. The catch? You must be able to recreate Michelangelo’s Sistine Chapel in your latte art sample. With this as a criterion for opening, it might be at least another six months before Blue Bottle: Full Throttle opens its doors–much to Swallow‘s relief.
Written by Genna Rivieccio