Bushwick Aesthetic Trend: Missing Teeth

November 5, 2017 Comments Off on Bushwick Aesthetic Trend: Missing Teeth 490 News

In a neighborhood with an ever-lessening amount of grit, a new and startling trend has taken Bushwickians by storm: that of missing teeth. And the way they’ve set out to attain them will shock you beyond belief: by actually paying someone to punch them “just so.”

It’s all the (signs of) rage

As if New York needed another under the table job title to add to its endless arsenal (fluffer included), a new economic opportunity vaguely reminiscent of Fight Club has sprung up. And it all stems from a current Bushwickian desire to feel just a little bit less like a well-groomed, overly coiffed pussy.

People will pay good money to have their teeth knocked out in Bushwick

That being said, one of the hottest trends since the Mennonite chic craze hit town is also the riskiest business yet. Shelly Addlebury, a 28-year-old from Greenwich, spoke to the popularity of the movement by remarking, “I don’t know, there’s just something to be said for the rough-hewn edge of having a missing tooth, and I was tired of people treating me like I’m some rich Miss Priss from Connecticut. Even though I am.” So while it might seem like an extreme length to go through for the sole purpose of getting an aura of wizenedness, one can’t really put a price on the facade of bad assery. To find your go-to tooth knocker outter, simply walk anywhere right off the Jefferson or Morgan stop to find a “discreet” flier advertising the service using the image of Valeria Luiselli’s The Story of My Teeth book cover.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

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