Many hair trends have come and gone in this neighborhood. And it’s important to Bushwickians to always be on to the next one. This time, it’s inspired by beloved Addams Family member Cousin Itt. According to lead Bushwick hairstylist Courtney Hirsute, “People don’t just want color anymore, they want length–and lots of it so they can cover their somewhat hideous faces.”
The love of length was initiated by a Bushwick millionaire named Quentin Ruffian, who “was just too lazy to ever get [his] hair cut.” It’s true, the low-maintenance nature of the style is ideal for the sort of hangover haze that tends to be a congenital condition with most Bushwickians.
Kellie Weerd, a 28-year-old who recently took on the look du jour, stated, “It’s the best hair decision I’ve ever made. I don’t have to ever do anything to it. Except shower, I guess–but not really. Plus, I’ve always been kind of self-conscious about the basiqueness of my face, so I’m glad to have a way to cover it finally without being questioned.” All in all, this trend is going to get a lot more people laid.
Written by Genna Rivieccio