Bushwick Man Commits Suicide After Being Unable to Attend Art Basel 2014

December 11, 2014 1 2952 30 Somethings, Art, Hipster Commentary, News, Uncategorized
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A thirty-two year old Bushwick man, Garth Bixley, was found dead in his apartment yesterday morning of an apparent suicide. Bixley, who was discovered hanging by his corduroy belt, left a note expressing the pain he felt as a result of being unable to attend Art Basel in Miami this year.

Goodbye, cruel world.

Goodbye, cruel world.

“Dear friends,

I can no longer go on with my life, for the torment I suffer has grown to be too much to bear. The constant updates streaming through social media left me nowhere to hide from all that I had missed out on this past weekend. I am left feeling void and meaningless. All I wanted to do was go to Art Basel, 2014. I hope you all had fun.

Sincerely,

Garth Bixley”

 

The hottest event of the year.

The hottest event of the year.

The note was submitted to us by Bixley’s roommate, Keith Noble, who was shocked to discover Bixley’s lifeless body upon his arrival home from Miami after attending Art Basel this past weekend. “I should have just paid for his plane ticket,” Noble sobbed. “I knew he wanted to go, I just never realized just how much it meant to him.” Bixley had been planning to attend Miami’s Art Basel all year, but recent financial setbacks prevented him from making his plans a reality. This could all have been avoided had Bixley simply reached out to our Feed A Hipster Foundation. Rest in peace, Garth Bixley. We hope that heaven is even better than Miami in December, although it probably isn’t.

Written by Nicole Benson

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