nerds Bushwick residents were ruffled over not being invited to Monday night’s community board meeting highlighting the topic of liquor licenses, there is reason to believe no conspiracy is afoot (other than your standard secret Eyes Wide Shut party).
While concerned parents are fretting over the motive for the closed door policy being a result of the committee’s secret plan to give every business in town a liquor license in order to get more money, a source tells The Burning Bush that just the opposite is true. “I know it’s hard for Bushwickians to remember anything, what with all the drugs they do, but if you think back, the district manager, Eileen Antifun, has been against giving out more liquor licenses for ages.” Ages, in this case, being less than a year.
Thus, while all the over 30s in the neighborhood are paranoid the reason for the behind-closed-doors meeting with law enforcement was to strike a deal about granting more permits to bars, it is actually the reverse. An anonymous attendee who may or may not be Penn Badgley, assured, “The entire meeting was about promoting the safety of the neighborhood–and that means no more additional liquor licenses.” Exactly how the community board plans to execute this without a riot from the younger population of Bushwick remains a mystery.
Written by Genna Rivieccio