As any parent in the North Brooklyn nexus knows, the only thing more important than feeding your child the perfect artisanal meal is making sure little Zara or Horn’s Rim feels superior to the other kids around them in any and every way possible.
But one way that the children raising children in Bushwick have failed their progeny is by allowing the Williamsburg set to excel in just about every bougie medium, especially the learning of foreign languages like Sanskrit.
That’s why one teacher at the Bushwick School of Arts, Sciences & Decorum, decided to take matters in her own hands. Ms. Davenport, a 23-year-old who herself was still learning cursive in the last decade, decided that it was time to resuscitate this writing medium with full force in order to compete adequately with those self-righteous fucks that are Williamsburg children. “Our Bushwick kids will be able to curve a capital cursive ‘G’ with far more grace and accuracy faster than any Williamsburg kid can say ‘Bonjour,'” warned Ms. Davenport. Accordingly, it might be time for Williamsburg parents who want to win the college race to consider enrolling their kids at a Bushwick school instead.
Written by Genna Rivieccio