Maybe you figured that all the loopholes to finding a way out of paying out the ass for rent had closed up by now (pardon the hole/ass correlation). But one Bushwickian named Marcus Inventive, a 34-year-old construction worker who formerly paid $1,600 a month to live in a shoebox-sized apartment inside Castle Braid, has found the last alternative to paying conventional rent prices–at least, for now.
“It occurred to me one day while I was jackhammering over by the projects on Flushing Avenue, there’s a lot of available land around here without any real property on it. That’s when I started to investigate buying a plot of land with the shit ton of money I make in construction.” The plot of land that Inventive settled on is located near Wilson Avenue, at an undisclosed cross street.
Unfortunately the seller of the land, Yehuda Solomon, a 44-year-old who lives in an apartment made of pennies inside The Loom, got wind of the fact that Inventive was essentially living on the land for free after buying it and nearly had a coronary over all the money he was losing. It was then that he called a meeting of the Hasids wherein a ban on selling land was decided upon. They will now be leasing the land on a limited basis, whereupon the addition of a trailer, depending on its size, will be, at minimum $1,500 a month. Inventive has since sold his property back to Solomon after being terrorized by anonymous sources that would throw latkes at his windows everyday while he was at work. It is believed he has left Bushwick, and New York altogether, thereby signaling the demise of one of the last people who bothered trying to fight the absurd rent system in this town.
Written by Genna Rivieccio