Bushwickians Given New Incentive to “Read” Thanks to Free Wi-Fi From the Brooklyn Public Library

December 3, 2014 Comments Off on Bushwickians Given New Incentive to “Read” Thanks to Free Wi-Fi From the Brooklyn Public Library 379 News
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As the Wicked Bitch of Bushwick lamented before taking a trip to Yale, the Bushwick area isn’t exactly rife with intellectuals. There are plenty of faux ones, sure, but no one who can really give you an in-depth analysis of Madame Bovary or shit like that. One might suppose this is why the Brooklyn Public Library is often as empty as a barista‘s bank account.

From old school to new school in the time it takes to remove some letters in the word "Brooklyn"

From old school to new school in the time it takes to remove some letters in the word “Brooklyn”

To remedy this situation, the library is now offering mobile hot spots for card-carrying Bushwickians who are too broke to pay for a phone or internet plan and too lazy to find information in books (ideal for those non-summer times when you’re not at Rockaway Beach). The coordinator of the initiative, Brenda Enabler, a 34-year-old from Queens who was formerly working in the administrative sector for the MTA, noted, “The best way to get people to join a library nowadays is to offer them wi-fi. It may defeat the original purpose of a library, but hey, at least they’re still learning something–even if it’s how to have sex by watching a porno.”

Books are now purely decorative in the library

Books are now purely decorative in the library

Upon the announcement of this development, Bushwickians residing primarily off the M train (L train Bushwickians can afford their own internet) flocked to the library to sign up for a membership. The question is, do they realize that Kim Kardashian already broke the internet?

Written by Genna Rivieccio

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