As the Wicked Bitch of Bushwick lamented before taking a trip to Yale, the Bushwick area isn’t exactly rife with intellectuals. There are plenty of faux ones, sure, but no one who can really give you an in-depth analysis of Madame Bovary or shit like that. One might suppose this is why the Brooklyn Public Library is often as empty as a barista‘s bank account.
To remedy this situation, the library is now offering mobile hot spots for card-carrying Bushwickians who are too broke to pay for a phone or internet plan and too lazy to find information in books (ideal for those non-summer times when you’re not at Rockaway Beach). The coordinator of the initiative, Brenda Enabler, a 34-year-old from Queens who was formerly working in the administrative sector for the MTA, noted, “The best way to get people to join a library nowadays is to offer them wi-fi. It may defeat the original purpose of a library, but hey, at least they’re still learning something–even if it’s how to have sex by watching a porno.”
Upon the announcement of this development, Bushwickians residing primarily off the M train (L train Bushwickians can afford their own internet) flocked to the library to sign up for a membership. The question is, do they realize that Kim Kardashian already broke the internet?
Written by Genna Rivieccio