If you’re one of the few Bushwickians still present in this town on the weekends, you’re probably curious as to why you’re the only person within a five mile radius sitting by yourself at a bar. Maybe you didn’t get the memo: all of Bushwick has temporarily relocated to Rockaway Beach for the summer. Between the Pumps outpost and the wi-fi availability, how could anyone resist?
The prime spot for most bona fide residents is the area in front of Rippers, where you’ll have difficulty finding where the fuck your friends are as a result of the everyone is everyone phenomenon, in this case everyone possessing the same tan shade and tattooed bodyscape.
“I was roaming the beach for about two hours looking for my friends,” complained Zach Smith, a Bushwick millionaire who ended up going through his entire cooler of beer in that time frame. “When I finally found them, I was too wasted to recognize them,” he concluded. Others who were able to find their friends managed to bring all the comforts of Bushwick right to the beach by setting up a sand mound as a table for beer pong.
For those unable to endure the hour plus ride via the L/A train/shuttle, enjoy the ghosttown vibes while you can, it won’t be long until you’re yearning for the day when the bodies weren’t pressing up against you at every bar from here to Williamsburg.
Written by Genna Rivieccio