Bushwickians Storm Conde Nast Building Blaming Wintour for Blindsiding Rent Hikes

September 11, 2014 1 713 Fashion, News, Real Estate

Anna Wintour is no longer just on Grace Coddington’s shit list. She’s now managed to piss off an entire neighborhood. Even though she previously recanted her statement on naming Bushwick the seventh coolest neighborhood in the world, the hype surrounding it was already too great to quell.

Exterior of Anna's ivory tower

Exterior of Anna’s ivory tower

As a result, there’s been an overnight 23% increase in all rents throughout Bushwick. This sudden blow to everyone’s already thin wallet (how are we all supposed to stay unemployed at this rate?) has caused an unprecedented uproar in that Bushwickians are actually deigning to leave the neighborhood–not to move, but to go to Midtown to give Wintour no end in their shit storm of rage.

Fleeing through a back entrance

Fleeing through a back entrance

With her powers of foresight (or just the instantaneous results one gets from having money and influence), a fortress of security guards has been surrounding the building since early this afternoon. Their resolve in guarding Wintour, however, has been gradually deteriorating throughout the day as Bushwickians have incessantly spit beer into their faces from the reserve of cans they’ve been swilling.

Angry Bushwickian spitting beer at guards

Angry Bushwickian spitting beer at guards

One Wintour protester, Ann Fashionless, seethed to The Burning Bush, “We’re not leaving till she writes us all a check for the difference in rent she’s caused.” But if The Burning Bush knows anything about Wintour, and we don’t, it’s likely that she’d sooner spend her money on redesigning the interior of her new office at the Freedom Tower

Written by Genna Rivieccio

One Comment

  1. Olivia March 10, 2015 at 8:01 am -

    This site is like a clsoorasm, except I don’t hate it. lol