Bushwick’s Masterpieces of Shit

July 3, 2016 Comments Off on Bushwick’s Masterpieces of Shit 468 Art, Bars, bars in bushwick, bushwick, Drugs, Gentrification, Hipster Commentary, News, Performance Art, the burning bush
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You see them everywhere. Trolling the streets of Bushwick, these walking spectacles are the wayward best friend, the burdensome roommate, and the utter disappointment to all those who dare get too close to them. Each of them a damaged amalgamation of mental diagnoses rendering them incapable of any long term relationships of substance. The excuses presented by the aforementioned may amount to something that can be slightly difficult to argue, but is most definitely a crock of shit.

Hipsters running amok!

                    Hipsters running amok!

“I know that I fucked Heidi’s boyfriend, but that wasn’t really me, you know? It’s just a character I do sometimes. She may be my best friend, but I don’t think that what I did makes me a bad person,” Vivian Thomas, a 24 year old Bushwickian, tells us. “I’m just so filled with passion sometimes and acting out in impulsive and irrational ways feels like an outlet to express myself. I see it as something like performance art,” Thomas stops to exhale her cigarette smoke. Vivian, who also admitted to pocketing her roommates’ rent money for cocaine, says that she doesn’t typically consider the long term consequences of her behavior. “I don’t imagine that I’ll ever make it to thirty anyways, so YOLO.”

Vivian Thomas, 24 years old.

                Vivian Thomas, 24 years old.

Shortly after, Vivian was forcefully removed from the The Three Diamond Door after throwing a glass at the bartender following a dispute over her tab. She was followed out of the bar by Freddy Bumgardner, a 33 year old patron who is rumored to have (intentionally) infected four Bushwick women with genital herpes.

This contagious debauchery appears to be alive and well, catapulting through Bushwick like a giant shit avalanche until nobody can say their hands are clean. Beware the shit avalanche.

Written by Nicole Benson

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