Buwhwickains Frantically Begin Coupling in Anticipation of Winter

September 16, 2014 6 528 News, Relationships
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The fall came all too soon this year as wind gusts and rainfall punctuate mid-September without relent. With the early advent of cold weather, many Bushwickians are partnering up with whoever’s next to them at the bar to stave off the inevitable soul-crushing loneliness of a winter spent “holed” up. 

Amanda Desperate and Frankie Settle bonded over semi-similar tastes

Amanda Desperate and Frankie Settle bonded over semi-similar tastes

The Burning Bush spoke with a recently formed couple (five minutes ago, in fact), Amanda Desperate and Frankie Settle. Desperate gushed, “I locked eyes with Frankie from across the bar at Miles and I just knew I wasn’t going to be alone for the winter.” Settle added, “When I started chattin’ her up, we just clicked. We both like all the same movies so I knew we would never argue if I gotta be on the couch all day with the broad.”

Another new couple that bonded simply over ordering the same drink

Another new couple that bonded simply over ordering the same drink

While the summer may have been a time to frolic about without a sexual care in the world, the intensity and pressure of finding a steady lay throughout winter can be felt all over Bushwick. Stan Observant, a bartender at Titty Tease, confirmed, “You can really see the fear and determination in people’s eyes at the bar lately. It’s like they have to hone in on someone–anyone–to take home not just tonight, but for the foreseeable future. And so, dear readers, The Burning Bush encourages you to find your winter piece before there’s nothing left except the fatties and the baldies. 

Written by Genna Rivieccio

 

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