Castle Raid on Castle Braid

July 20, 2014 4 2500 News, Real Estate

There are a great many sources of debauchery in terms of Bushwick apartment buildings. You’ve got the McKibbin, Coagulate, 960 Willoughby, the Opera House Lofts, etc. But Castle Braid holds a special sort of iniquity because of how undercover it all is. Masked behind the disguise of a New Age-y sort of hippie commune, Castle Braid is quite possibly the most ominous of all the real estate options in the vicinity. That’s why early Sunday morning at approximately 4:26 a.m., police from Bushwick’s 83rd Precinct infiltrated the structure for an unexpected raid after being tipped off to a highly unusual illegal activity: Filming babies smoking cigarettes for YouTube.

The "kooky" exterior of Castle Braid

The “kooky” exterior of Castle Braid

If you’ve ever watched a video of a baby smoking a cigarette, you’ll know that it always gets at least fifteen million hits. That’s why Bebe Pornograffer, a shady resident who had been living at Castle Braid for about three months, thought using the infamous screening room in the building would be the best place for her to conduct a little bit of “side business,” though after her arrest, she stated that she did it all “for artistic expression.” Pornograffer got several other residents, whose names have yet to be released, in on her scheme by recruiting a handful of lackeys¬†to nab babies from brunch spots like Mominette and Dear Bushwick and film them as they smoked, rather happily, one might add (perhaps it’s a natural Bushwickian trait to love smoking, even from an early age).

Castle Braid's illustrious screening room

Castle Braid’s illustrious screening room

Suspicions arose when Hannah Negligent, a 27-year-old parent brunching at Roberta’s, happened to notice her baby was gone, only to see the infant being returned to his stroller by a masked man. Going above and beyond the call of duty, the hostess working that morning, Amanda Intoit, slyly followed the man, tracing him back to his Castle Braid lair. The videos created by Pornograffer have already been removed from YouTube, nullifying all the “artist’s” hard work. A trial is set for September 15th at the Bushwick’s People Court in Silent Barn–the site of many recent legal battles.

Written by Genna Rivieccio