Catland Tarot Reader Predicts Bushwick Apocalypse in 2015

November 4, 2014 6 1639 News
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Apocalypses have been predicted before, but usually it includes the world over. This time, however, one tarot reader, Mystique Darqnis, a transgender mystic who works for minimum wage at Catland, is predicting a Bushwick-specific demise. Darqnis’ announcement came abruptly last night at an impromptu tarot party held in the side room next to where Catland’s wares are sold (e.g. rocks and candles).

Sinister exterior of Catland the night of the prediction

Sinister exterior of Catland the night of the prediction

While summoning a spirit, any spirit, Darqnis was possessed by a resident from the future–2015–who took hold of their body and declared, “Bushwick will be over by June 18, 2015!” Others in the circle demanded, “How? Why? What are you talking about?” among other outraged exclamations. But the spirit, who called himself German Gentrifier, escaped Darqnis’ body before any further explanation could be given.

Last night, during the possession

Last night, during the possession

Left feeling pillaged and raped by the spirit, Darqnis began sobbing uncontrollably when it was over, wailing, “I don’t want it to end, I don’t want it to end.” Although The Burning Bush is almost positive that the reference to “the end” was more metaphorical than literal (i.e. the opening of a shopping mall), Darqnis fled Catland after the traumatizing experience and has not been seen since. Possibly, it was a preemptive move out of the neighborhood, or we’ll be hearing about a body floating ashore along the East River any day now.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

 

6 Comments

  1. Adriana La Gangsta January 29, 2015 at 6:44 pm -

    neither funny nor informative nor clever or anything good whatsoever great job