Censored in Bushwick: Fuck Off Sign Dims At Titty Tease

September 4, 2014 Comments Off on Censored in Bushwick: Fuck Off Sign Dims At Titty Tease 813 Bars, Local Business, News
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Titty Tease, one of the latest novelty bars to hit Bushwick, has suffered a massive titty fuck after local police told the bar to “fuck off” with their fuck off sign. Apparently, neighbors had been complaining since the first night the bar opened, insisting that the pink neon light was searing their eyes as they tried to sleep and/or watch TV.

"fuck off" shines bright no more

“fuck off” shines bright no more

One neighboring resident, Kelis Sadistique, who lives right on the corner of Irving and Bleecker near the bar, complained to The Burning Bush, “I don’t know why in the hell anyone would allow such a rude establishment to come into a family neighborhood. I’ve been trying to sleep ever since that shit hole opened, but all I can see is a pink glow whether my eyes are opened or closed.”

This is all Sadistique sees when she closes her eyes thanks to Titty Tease

This is all Sadistique sees when she closes her eyes thanks to Titty Tease

Conversely, Ewing Perverse, another nearby resident, loves going to the bar and staring at the fuck off sign for hours. In fact, he rarely even notices any of the titty paraphernalia. Perverse lamented, “Now that they’ve turned the sign off, I’ve got nothing to stare at. There was a soothing quality to it… One that didn’t make me feel so alone.” 

This is what Perverse sees when he looks at the sign

This is what Perverse sees when he looks at the sign

With the factions of admiration and ire for the sign firmly divided, it’s difficult to know if the owner of the bar, Tonya Castrate, will ever be allowed to illuminate those two small words again without causing a riot throughout the streets of Bleecker. 

Written by Genna Rivieccio

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