Since it seems as though, in the current era, having a baby is actually one of the most rebellious things you can do, Bushwickians have become increasingly prone to giving into this “natural” cycle of life. However, because they’re doing it at such a young age and merely as a form of setting themselves apart from those basic bitches without kids, many of said children are actually being forced to become entirely self-sufficient by the time they hit age three.
The Burning Bush had a chance to sit down with one of these three-year-olds and her parents, who are of course not married. Young Sophie Precohsh (who changed her own last name by age one) already knows more phrases than most drunken people roaming the streets of Bushwick at night do. She had no trouble speaking eloquently on the matter of her parents, Oriana Laxx and Martin Nofucksgivenmann. Sophie gave us a brief summary of a day in her life and how little of it actually includes her parents:
I usually wake up at about 8, put on my Supergas and a vintage Shirley Temple dress or my custom-made Paige denim jeans and a vintage band tee, make myself some banana pancakes with pineapple and creme fraiche, do some light studying before I head to school and then remind Oriana that she needs to take me to Williamsburg to go to said school.”
Precohsh isn’t the only child in the neighborhood forced into the role of parent. As The Burning Bush previously reported, many kids have to monitor their parents’ drug intake, in addition to making sure they hold down a steady job to support their offspring. With such a palpable role reversal in the standard parent/child relationship, The Burning Bush speculates that the children of Bushwick will be declaring themselves of legal age by ten, making the competition for apartments even more cutthroat.
Written by Genna Rivieccio