If you’re wondering why Chinese food is in such short supply, it’s not because of racism, but rather, the infestation of rats and rat-related breeds at the local distributor in the area. Although there’s Lee Garden and Good (perilous selections for those desperately drunk or hungover enough), for the most part, Chinese food is utterly lacking in Bushwick–and the Bushwick Committee for Food Regulation intends to keep it that way.
After discovering that the primary distributor of meats, Yung Wang, for the majority of Bushwick Chinese restaurants contained an array of different rats in various states of aliveness straight chillin’ in the meat thawing bin, the Bushwick Committee for Food Regulation has put a moratorium on granting any other permits to businesses serving Chinese food of any kind.
A victim of eating Chinese food in Bushwick, Larry Nostandard, a 35-year-old web developer, was brave enough to share his experience with The Burning Bush by saying, “I had always heard rumors about the rat feces in Chinese food around here, but I never expected to find a full-fledged rat fetus in my food. It was the most traumatizing experience of my life, and I know I’m lucky to still be alive.” No other patron willing to admit to eating Chinese in Bushwick could be reached for comment.
Written by Genna Rivieccio