Chirpers Attracts Primarily Taureans As A Result of Decor

April 5, 2017 Comments Off on Chirpers Attracts Primarily Taureans As A Result of Decor 529 News
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Though a bar name like Chirpers would lead one to believe that the interior decor would be more avian themed than anything else (in spite of the fact that there’s plenty of that in between The Rookery and Talon Bar), somehow, the drinking hole has managed to cultivate its fair share of bull and toreador artwork.

Toreador from blurred perspective of drunk person

“We don’t really know how we ended up with all this specifically themed art,” commented one of the bartenders, Jon Inhibitor, a 35-year-old from Savannah. “It just sort of happened that I looked up one day and saw a cluster fuck of it on the walls and was like, ‘Whoa, this is gonna attract the wrong element.'”

It never stops

And indeed, that wrong element has been a fuck ton of Taureans (that’s plural for Taurus in case you’ve been saying it wrong) gravitating to the bar for reasons they can’t seem to explain to themselves. “My go-to opening line is always asking a guy what his sign is,” stated Scandi Morosa, a 28-year-old who usually likes to go for Cancers, as they’re alleged to be her most compatible match. “And all I hear now in response is: Taurus. It’s so annoying, I don’t think I’ll ever bother coming back here for the purposes of mining for sex. If I wanted to fuck myself, I would just masturbate.”

Written by Genna Rivieccio

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