Commonly Overheard in Bushwick: “I Can’t Eat That. It’s Not Vegan.”

November 17, 2016 Comments Off on Commonly Overheard in Bushwick: “I Can’t Eat That. It’s Not Vegan.” 314 News
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Commonly Overheard in Bushwick is an occasional series we write whenever we hear something someone actually said on the streets or in the businesses of Bushwick. This is not to be confused with the Tumblr of a similar name.

As Bushwick veers evermore toward being the new Los Angeles, much of the food-related conversation has shifted, and it’s all about staying healthy in a non-drunkorexic way.

Stay vegan

Stay vegan

“I can’t eat that. It’s not vegan,” wailed Maria Stringbean, a 23-year-old who once ate Taco Bell in high school like it was her job. And, with the appearance of places like Bake Shop–not to be confused with Cake Shop–Bushwick is only catering to those dainty appetites of that formerly rare and ostracized breed known as vegans.

Some vegans even like to stick bell peppers up their asshole

Some vegans even like to stick bell peppers up their asshole

Stringbean even admitted to a gross vegan ritual of hers, stating, “I also like to use red bell peppers to stick in my asshole for this sort of pleasant tingle that’s also super cleansing of toxins and, well, ‘resin.'” With the vegan trend in full swing, the drunkorexics of this town will have to rely solely on the Broadway lights of Artichoke for their fix of food.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

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