Bushwickians may seem utterly immune to the effects of both criticism and health problems, but there is, in fact, a secret behind their continued ability to get fucked up every night and then continue to do so the next day. What is their undisclosed weapon, you ask? Antibiotics–and a steady stream of them.
That’s why it’s quite common to overhear a Bushwickian concernedly inquire before ingesting drugs or alcohol, “Is this gonna fuck up my antibiotics?” The trend in taking preemptive antibiotics, however, is a more recent one. It used to be that people would only take these magical little prescriptions when they were actually ill. But now, antibiotics are popped into Bushwickian mouths more commonly than cocks. One antibiotic addict, Therese Sique, admitted to The Burning Bush, “The second I feel even remotely like shit, I pop about three pills.”
This dependency on antibiotics has started to create a vicious, counterproductive cycle in which the more Bushwickians drink and/or swap fluids while taking antibiotics, the less effective they become. Sherman Hack, a half-doctor at the Bushwick Institute for Medicinal Marijuana (currently operating through funding from Woodhull), noted, “What Bushwickians are effectively doing is making themselves immune to antibiotics, and therefore more susceptible to the sicknesses and diseases they’re trying to avoid.” Based on Hack’s foreboding comment, one wouldn’t be surprised if Bushwick had an ebola outbreak of its own.
Written by Genna Rivieccio