Cook Street Lofts Blow Up

August 11, 2015 3 438 News
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Between the McKibbin, 260 Moore Street and Coagulate, there are plenty of cess pool buildings to distract from one of the ultimate: the Cook Street lofts. Discreet, yet imposing, nondescript, yet utterly iconic, this building has been festering in its perch between Bogart Street and Bushwick Avenue for years.

Ready to blow

Ready to blow

“I’ve been living in that squalid edifice for ten years. I never thought it would blow. Thought it was indestructible,” mused former resident and now one-limbed man Mack Affliction. As of now, there are eleven reported deaths, twenty-three reported injuries and approximately one-hundred undocumented couch surfers unaccounted for.

The crudely marked building

The crudely marked building

“Yep, guess I’ll finally have to renovate it after all,” chuckled landlord Barry Bitterman, who has long ignored warnings of a potential explosion. The lead fireman on the scene, Gian Vanzetti, stated, “We’re still examining what exactly caused her to blow. No official details as of yet.” It’s more than likely that all the bodily fluids, picked up from the street furniture and exposed pipes combined to create this catastrophic event in Bushwick history.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

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