Dick-Soaked Ketchup Is the Latest Wave in Artisanal Bushwick Condiment Trends

February 15, 2015 Comments Off on Dick-Soaked Ketchup Is the Latest Wave in Artisanal Bushwick Condiment Trends 2122 Food, Hipster Commentary, News, Politics
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In a recent wave of artisanal fare cropping up in Bushwick, the latest (and possibly most outrageous yet) is dick-soaked ketchup. While other condiment trends, like pube-seasoned mustard and semen-soaked mayonnaise, have come and gone, the creator of this new dick-soaked ketchup brand, Bloody Dick Ketchup, is confident in his product’s staying power.

Even the instructional aspect of Bloody Dick ketchup has sexual connotations

Even the instructional aspect of Bloody Dick ketchup has sexual connotations

George Whorewell, a 19-year-old entrepreneur from London who alternates his time between Brooklyn and the UK, decided to invent and market dick-soaked ketchup after sitting in a London pub eating fish and chips and remarking on the markedly bland quality of the ketchup he was being offered. After a few more pints, he realized what was missing: “that dick tinge that makes it taste both sweet and sour at the same time.” Because Whorewell has the fortunate and very Bushwickian circumstance of having wealthy parents, he was able to instantly manufacture the product using only “hipster dicks for that distinct and unique kick.”

Local Bushwickian after experiencing Bloody Dick Ketchup

Local Bushwickian after experiencing Bloody Dick Ketchup

The product is currently being sold exclusively at Hops & Hocks at $55 dollars a bottle (net weight 3 ounces). Whorewell plans to expand Bloody Dick Ketchup into local restaurants like Roberta’s, Dear Bushwick, Mominette, Forrest Point and Narrows. In the meantime, he’s dealing with varied reactions ranging from orgasm to extreme dissatisfaction. Let’s just hope no one chokes on an errant pubic hair that forgot to be quality controlled.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

 

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