If you’ve made the mistake of stepping outside of your apartment today, you’ve probably already tripped and fallen at least once over what is known as black ice. The hatred being wielded at this particular form of ice has taken a drastic turn for the worse, with many Bushwickians making off-handed insensitive comments like, “I never would have slipped on ‘normal’ ice.”
The prejudice against the so-called “blackness” of the ice has been called into question by the ice itself, who had a chance to express some of its emotions to The Burning Bush. “I’m not black. I’m clear. And I don’t see any of these Bushwick white folks complaining about the snow. Oh no, they just love that shit.” Mariaha Bloomfeld, a victim of slipping earlier today, rebutted, “I don’t hate black ice because it’s black. I hate it for the embarrassment it’s caused me. Plus, I’ve now ruined my Gucci stilettos.”
Considering the fact that, thanks to the new colonialism, most Bushwickians are, in fact, white and seemingly more partial to snow, this does feel like a clear-cut issue of discrimination. Moreover, the Bushwickian inability to dress in a seasonally appropriate fashion (thanks, in large part, due to many of them being West Coast infiltrators) means it’s rather likely their footwear that should be blamed (e.g. “Gucci stilettos”). After all, one of the few responsibilities a Bushwickian has is to stand on his own two feet.
Written by Genna Rivieccio