In the neverending trend that is women–often celebrity women–getting in on the cash cow that is tampon brands named after women, a group of drinking females at Commodore II decided that it would be a million dollar idea to simply name the highball glasses they were clinking together “Stella” and sell the shattered shards as tampons.
“To be honest, women will use anything as a tampon if it’s branded with a cute name. And at a production cost of roughly zero dollars if we just keep stealing glasses from bars, we can sell this shit for eighteen bucks a pack and bill it as ‘natural’ and ‘organic,'” stated the mastermind behind the project, Kora Sanskoeur, a 22-year-old who went to business school at NYU (does anyone know the name of that program?).
When asked why the group settled on the name Stella for their brand, Sanskoeur said simply, “It’s just because it’s one of those generic, unoffensive names that other women aren’t threatened by. We’re not gonna name it something super sexy like Svetlana for fuck’s sake. We’re business savvy.” Stella tampons are expected to be sold in local stores like Hi Mango and Hana Natural at the beginning of the year. So get ready to add more blood to your blood!
Written by Genna Rivieccio