Farm-to-Fuck: The Latest Restaurant Craze

March 7, 2015 2 992 News, Restaurants
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While some Portlandians are still allured by the antiquated farm-to-fork table scene, Bushwickians have blazed an entirely new trail in the restaurant world with farm-to-fuck dining.

Lara Enjoyer, a thirtysomething in PR, gets eaten out under the table while eating

Lara Enjoyer, a thirtysomething in PR, gets eaten out under the table while eating

The newest restaurant to the ever-burgeoning Bushwick dining scene, Fuck-Friendly Farms, is reinventing the way people enjoy their food. Co-owners Mike Cock, organizer of this year’s Bushwick Porn Festival and Mindy V. Gina, who appeared in one of the films submitted to the festival, have joined forces to bring you an unprecedented “eating” experience.

Louisa Orgazzermann loves the fresh "head" of lettuce she gets at Fuck-Friendly Farms

Louisa Orgazzermann loves the fresh “head” of lettuce she gets at Fuck-Friendly Farms

“We thought to ourselves, ‘What do people love more than eating in this town? Being eaten out.’ So why, then, have these two wonderful things never been combined? That’s where Fuck-Friendly Farms comes in. In addition to offering the usual farm-to-table foods, produced by locally sourced farms and vendors, the restaurant adds the additional perk of “light salad tossings” and getting eaten out (either separately or at the same time, depending on how much of an additional fee you want to pay).

"Gastrosexual"

“Gastrosexual”

Gina commented, “People are really enjoying this new approach to the way they experience food, and I think it goes without saying that we’ve changed the game in the restaurant industry. We’ve really set a new barometer here.” And, since prostitution is only legal in Bushwick as of now, other New York restaurants have no way to compete. “It’s a goldmine, let me tell you. It’s even better when our customers have just come from Heels or Pumps, and they’re like super down to be gone down on.”

Written by Genna Rivieccio, gastrosexual

 

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