If you’re wondering about the real reason why the MTA is taking its sweet time re-routing a life-threatening bus stop at a dangerous cross street (Myrtle Avenue and Wyckoff Avenue), it’s not due to a “lack of funds.” Indeed, the motives behind NYC’s real government deciding to hold off on altering the location is to “punish anyone who tries to double-dip into Bushwick and Ridgewood.”
According to one unnamed MTA insider, “It isn’t profitable to the MTA to have people coming and going from Ridgewood to Bushwick or vice versa. This means their buses actually have to function/not run people over. And that’s one of their least favorite challenges.” Merna Helplees, a 46-year-old Bushwick resident who was trying to get to Ridgewood to drink at Lecken der Bier, was recently hospitalized in Woodhull after getting abruptly mowed down while crossing the street on a pedestrian green light. “Since when is it a crime to try to leave your neighborhood for another neighborhood that’s basically the same neighborhood?” she demanded from her three-legged bed that kept sliding her off onto the fecal matter-resined linoleum floor. Though some might be inclined to flog her for trying to play the Quooklyn card.
“We are seeking exaction for Merna Helplees and anyone else who has ever felt like the bus between Ridgewood and Bushwick has victimized them, or made it otherwise difficult to leave the premises,” declared Robbie Causefinder, a 24-year-old who lives on Palmetto Street off the Myrtle-Wyckoff L/M. Protesters with free time and a lust for MTA worker blood are currently standing at the intersection with vibrant signs featuring biting phrases like “No More Pay for MTA.” So you can either join them or stick to your respective jurisdiction.
Written by Genna Rivieccio