Fewer People Allowed to Give Fake Names at Karaoke

October 28, 2015 Comments Off on Fewer People Allowed to Give Fake Names at Karaoke 449 News
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In yet another telling blow to how tight this neighborhood has gotten, the few local bars offering karaoke—bro bar Pine Box included—have been cracking down on those “irreverent” types who attempt to give a false name for their performance.

All people using their real names to sing at Bushwick bars

All people using their real names to sing at Bushwick bars

The latest victim of this new level of effrontery was Smoking Barrel, who must go by an alias in order to protect herself from being tarred and feathered and/or sprayed in the face with acid due to a general ire from the Bushwick public. “I tried to tell them who I was—Smoking Barrel—and the ‘man in charge,’ if you can call him that, refused to let me go on stage without giving him my real name—some more conventional bull shit, like Mindy, which is what I claimed my name was.”

Lyrics to "Frozen" sung by Madonna, who is allowed to use a one-word name as deemed by the karaoke gatekeepers of Bushwick

Lyrics to “Frozen” sung by Madonna, who is allowed to use a one-word name as deemed by the karaoke gatekeepers of Bushwick

Those who have been enforcing this new Bushwick “law,” so to speak, are defending it whole-heartedly, as is the case with Manning Chan, a 33-year-old musical theater major, who told The Burning Bush, “It would be different if these Smoking Barrel sorts were actually given these incongruous names, like Madonna or Cher, but these egomaniacs think they’re worthy of bequeathing themselves a fucking stage name when all they’ve ever done in life is spend their parents’ money.” The ban seems to be in full effect throughout the neighborhood, with intensive ID and social security card checks at the sign-up sheet for a song—so don’t even fucking try an assumed name.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

 

 

 

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