As we all know the “freelancer‘s” fight for an outlet at places that serve coffee are always at a premium in the daytime. That’s why an egregious act that took place at approximately 11:21 a.m. this morning at Little Skip’s has coffee shop regulars reeling.
It all started when Pete Hogg, a 29-year-old freelance graphic designer, walked into Little Skip’s about five minutes later than usual, thereby causing him to miss the small window of opportunity before every seat was full. Nonetheless, he squeezed in next to Sammy Sensitivo, a 24-year-old who moved to Bushwick from St. Paul. Already chagrined enough at having his coffee bumped and spilled by Hogg, Sensitivo became livid when Hogg took the liberty of pulling out the plug in the outlet next to them and sticking his own in without even asking (sounds kinda like a form of rape, don’t it?).
Unable to endure this injustice, Sensitivo rose from his sea, picked up his laptop and put it safely on another table next to his, overturned the table in front of him in rage, let out a shriek, broke Hogg’s MacBook Air in half and then plucked both his eyes out. The scene turned further gruesome when Hogg’s girlfriend, Samoan Defensif, a 22-year-old dancer at Heels, who was planning to visit him after they got in a fight over whose turn it was to buy all-natural dog food from Ruff-age, retaliated against Sensitivo by kicking him in the nuts with her stiletto. Multiple injuries have been confirmed. No report on whether or not any casualties resulted from the brawl. The lesson here? Use your own damn outlet at home.
Written by Genna Rivieccio