Flushing Avenue Building Monstrosity Made Entirely of Glass Appeals to Exhibitionists

May 21, 2015 1 414 Gentrification, News
Share!

Between luxury hotels and bougie restaurants opening up on Flushing Avenue, is it any wonder that an all glass apartment building catering to exhibitionists is on the horizon too? Nestled on Beaver…Street, the five-story structure will make it easy for passersby from the projects to covet all kinds of wealth.

Top three stories of the five-story glass building on Flushing

Top three stories of the five-story glass building on Flushing

The developer of the apartment complex, Martino Awnblast, a 36-year-old hailing from Miami, one of the exhibitionist capitals of the world, designed the edifice for those fond of braggadocio. The entire premise of the structure centers around showcasing not only yourself, but your many enviable possessions. “The only criterion for living in this highly exclusive building is this: you must have extremely expensive decor. We’re talking Christian Lacroix or Rick Owens furniture and Diane Von Furstenberg Home dinnerware.”

Rick Owens furniture is a must if you want to live in this apartment building

Rick Owens furniture is a must if you want to live in this apartment building

Perhaps this is why asking prices for the apartments are actually quite reasonable–by Bushwick standards. “We are asking $5,000 for a 2 bedroom and $8,000 for a 3 bedroom. We realize that most of the people eligible to move in here will be low on liquid cash because of all the cool shit they own.” Resultantly, only five of the 25 spots available have been filled. “The truth is, I’d be afraid some poor person might throw a brick through the glass,” remarked potential tenant Percy Moneysack, a 41-year-old oil mogul from Houston. Awnblast has reassured those concerned about such things that “the glass is fully reinforced and crafted of bulletproof polycarbonates to shield our tenants from haters.” If this doesn’t increase occupancy, what will? Through the Looking Glass Apartments will be leasing through the summer. “We don’t want to be at capacity, after all. That would be tacky,” noted Awnblast.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

One Comment