Flushing Meats is Bushwick’s Version of Nixon’s Plumbers

August 14, 2014 1 700 News, Politics
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You walk down the street, briefly feeling like it’s just another normal day. But then you see that familiar van out of the corner of your eye. The one with the words “Flushing Meats” emblazoned across the side of it. You can’t help but feel a sense of déjà vu wash over you. You’ve seen this van before–many times before. The sneaking suspicion that it’s been following you on the regular cannot be shaken. If this has happened to you, The Burning Bush wants you to know that you’re not alone. The Flushing Meats van is, in fact, Bushwick’s very own version of the Plumbers

The baleful exterior of the Flushing Meats van

The baleful exterior of the Flushing Meats van

The van doesn’t follow just anyone, however. It tends to target more high-profile Bushwick residents, including the Rich Kids of Bushwick and the Bushdicks. So if you’re a commoner who feels you’re being followed, it’s probably because they’ve seen you serve coffee to someone of a higher caliber, and they want to infiltrate the group they’re after as thoroughly as possibly–by way of you.

Sometimes Flushing Meats changes the color of the van to throw you off

Sometimes Flushing Meats changes the color of the van to throw you off

The Burning Bush has yet to determine who exactly is at the head of the “Flushing Meats” organization, and how many spies are involved. If you discover any information leading to the capture of this nefarious and ominous entity that’s making Bushwick feel even creepier, please email burningbushwick@gmail.com.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

 

 

 

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