While many a European/Bushwickian has enjoyed the delectable fare at Mominette, a recent uprising from the French population in this town has caused a dip in regular attendance. While outsiders to the neighborhood–like the type of people who come here solely for the Timeswick allure–are easily taken in by the “French” cuisine, the bona fide frogs in this town are not.
“Peeple do undehrstand that a ‘gahrden boorgher’ is not French food. It is Amehricain and inauthentique. I refyoose to attend soch a place possing eetself off as the cuisine of my cuntreemen,” complained Auguste Prétentieux, a 33-year-old sculptor of Christina Ricci busts who lives (and loves) on Troutman. Other regular patrons defended the restaurant’s integrity with vehemence.
“How can French people say Mominette isn’t French enough? They serve fucking coq au vin and beef bourguignon. What the fuck else do people want?” demanded Trista Demifrancaise, a 22-year-old who serially uses Tinder for the purpose of getting her dates to take her to Mominette before they bone in the bathroom. As the argument over the Frenchness of Mominette continues between Frenchies and non-Frenchies, Mominette chef Jean-Paul Smith, a 37-year-old Québécois (which many French people consider an additional affront), is contemplating adding “an even more French flair” to the menu to attempt appeasement. But we all know how that method worked out when the French tried to do this with Hitler–and French people can be very Hitler-esque when it comes to their food.
Written by Genna Rivieccio