Hipster Conversion Classes Now Taking Place at the Loom

April 17, 2014 1 1240 Gentrification, Hipster Commentary, Local Business
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Have you been wanting to move to Bushwick, but just don’t feel like you would fit in with “the scene”? Or have you recently moved here but feel like you stand out like a preppy sore thumb? The Loom is here to help. For those of you who don’t know what The Loom is, it’s this strange mall-like entity on Flushing Avenue that has several businesses, and also occasionally offers classes. The latest, of course, promises to convert you fully to hipsterdom.

The hypnotic logo of The Loom

The hypnotic logo of The Loom

Like converting to Judaism, the hipster conversion process is very intensive, and should not be taken lightly. Instructor Leia Rando asserts, “Not everyone is prepared for the elaborate process. People think it’s just a matter of switching wardrobes. But it’s so much more than that. You have to alter the entire way you think.”

The courtyard at The Loom is the perfect place for budding hipsters to flourish in a classroom environment

The courtyard at The Loom is the perfect place for budding hipsters to flourish in a classroom environment

The Burning Bush had a chance to talk to Robert Edelman, a recent transplant from Murray Hill. When asked what made him decide to sign up for the class, Edelman stated, “I just haven’t really been grasping what Bushwick is all about. I thought when I moved here, everyone would be impressed by my money, but one of the tenets in the course brochure specifically says you have to pretend like you don’t have money to be a true hipster. I guess I’m still learning.”

Each student will also receive a complementary, Bushwick-issued copy of The Hipster's Handbook for reference as needed.

Each student will also receive a complementary, Bushwick-issued copy of The Hipster’s Handbook for reference as needed.

Indeed, we’re all still learning. Even the hipsters. Other exercises in the class will include a mock conversation at a bar, a shopping trip to Urban Jungle and, for the final, Rando will play a five-second snippet of esoteric indie rock to test her students’ true knowledge. Better sign up quick, because we’re guessing there’s not going to be much space left!

Written by Genna Rivieccio

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