Hipster Cops Are a Thing in Bushwick

February 26, 2015 Comments Off on Hipster Cops Are a Thing in Bushwick 1121 Hipster Commentary, News
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While many New Yorkers are still reeling from the fear instilled in them by the Eric Garner incident, Bushwickians are among the few people in the population to view their local police as completely harmless–approachable, even. The latest revelations about the goings-on at the 79th, 81st and 83rd precincts have further endeared the police to the neighborhood.

Hipster cops have even inspired a TV show called Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Hipster cops have even inspired a TV show called Brooklyn Nine-Nine

“We don’t believe in using force against people unless blatantly provoked. It’s not like a Buddhist mentality, it’s a Patrick Swayze in Road House mentality,” said Jaquim Paz, a 29-year-old who only joined “the force” five days ago. “I wanna be an artist like anyone else. I have my own pursuits outside of being in law enforcement. But I had to support myself in some way, I ain’t gettin’ no handouts from Mommy and Daddy,” added Reginald Black, a 34-year-old veteran who has been with the 83rd precinct since 1995, all the way back when smoking was still allowed on planes.

Arms folded, too sensitive to react

Arms folded, too sensitive to react

Black continued, “My real dream is to be a writer. That’s why I’ve strictly enforced the continued use of typewriters for all memorandums and correspondences. But I’ve been getting a lot of shit for that lately, especially since most of our typed records were burned in a recent fire at a document storage facility in Williamsburg.” And so, the “hipster” vibes of the Bushwick police seem to be a reflection of the populace it polices. Until the Murray Hill infiltration makes its way here, too.

Written by Genna Rivieccio 

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