Hipsters Finally Given the Chance to Judge Others In A Court of Law

June 17, 2014 1 729 Gentrification, Hipster Commentary, News
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Even though the normal protocol with regard to judgment of Brooklyn denizens is to harshly critique the “hipster” set, tides are turning in favor of this particular demographic. As the influx of white people has steadily increased in Brooklyn, so, too, has the jury pool. A new trend in the not so homogenous ethnicity of jury members proves that hipsters are the ones with the real power. They’re not just some cog in the wheel of the marketing departments at American Apparel, et. al.

The power of a uniform color

The power of a uniform color

The recent tendency toward all-white juries in Brooklyn has served a decided blow to the defendants of each case. White people, notoriously stricter in their judgments (second only to Asians), are causing a real stir in courtrooms throughout the borough, seemingly finding practically everyone guilty of some egregious crime.

The jury's still out on whether or not the latest courtroom trend bodes well

The jury’s still out on whether or not the latest courtroom trend bodes well

Even though New York City prisons are already filled to the brim, these white jurors show no mercy for even the slightest wrongdoing. One juror, Alabaster White, a 29-year-old hipster/graphic designer, stated, “I have to admit that I’m kind of enjoying this. Considering how people are always judging me when I haven’t even done anything illegal. It’s a bit of a power trip.” Another juror, Basique Beech, a 20-year-old hostess at Dear Bushwick, spoke to The Burning Bush as well, commenting, “I was responsible for judging a serious case. A black man walked into a 711 in Greenpoint, poured himself a slushee and didn’t pay for it. I made sure he was prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.” Thankfully, Bushwick has yet to be the home of any local 711s, but, be warned, no one is safe from the ivory jury in Brooklyn these days.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

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