Defacing tourist-magnet street art is one way to keep #bushwickgentrification at bay; another is to create historical districts that preserve the hood not only in architecture but in aura, that thrilling feeling of the lawless, chaotic, authentic age that our girl Fortunata Maldonado went back into a coma for. This week the Bushwick Preservation Society (BPS) announced its pilot project to create seven historical districts, “time warps, literal portals to the 80s and 70s,” according to its press release, “replete with porn-mustachioed villains, vagrants and vamps—the Original Bushwickians.”
Each district spans half a city block and operates in a semi-autonomous zone, removing them from the jurisdiction of the NYPD. “It’s to maintain peak authenticity,” says Clark Carringer, spokesman and idea man for the BPS. “I’d been walking around, saddled with all this guilt, this stuff about displacing poorer folks and creating a general nuisance,” added Carringer, who’s spent his 8-month stint in Bushwick in a “dope, nasty” penthouse atop Castle Braid. “One day as I was leaving my compound, I spied a hobo relieving himself on the lamppost beside our building. And I just… I just felt so at one with Bushwick, its history, and comforted knowing that I wasn’t displacing anyone! Hell, I’m giving them cleaner, better lit places to piss!” Carringer went on, remarking on the man’s admirable unselfconsciousness of pissing in broad daylight, his impressively forceful and perfectly arced stream. “The guy was somewhat of an artist, secreting his Johnson in record time as a cop car rolled down the street.”
BPS has done the legwork to see its pilot project through. “While most historical preservation efforts focus on physical buildings, we seek to recreate an immersive particular moment. We’re recruiting failed participants of the DOE fund to be our down and outs in these scenes, to present the narrative of Bushwick that’s so sorely lacking on your Euro-touro-infested street walk. We’re working in tandem with, well, Tandem, to ensure our districts stay adequately hydrated. We’ve left no stone unturned,” said BPS president Hyram Schermerhorn. Look for the Historical Districts to be in full operation by the time Bushwick Open Studios rolls around.
Written by jaytoles