Ice Bucket Challenge Claims the Life of Innocent Bushwick Grandmother
August 22, 2014
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The hyper-trending Ice Bucket Challenge has now elicited even more vexation than the notion that many of those who find it in their heart to be “brave” enough to rise to the challenge somehow cannot find it in their hearts to cough up some donations for ALS research. Some claim that the consequences can be lethal. This is true for Bushwickian Scott Saunders, who believes that the Ice Bucket Challenge is directly responsible for killing his beloved ninety-five year old grandmother who presumably died of pneumonia just days after drenching herself in ice water following initiation to do so through Facebook.
While it has not been made clear as to why someone so very decrepit was even on Facebook in the first place, Saunders expressed his disdain for the Ice Bucket Challenge, condemning a Facebook friend named Scott Sims for being the negligent dick who had the nerve to challenge an elderly woman. The victim, Gertude Brown, caved to the not-so-peer pressure and allowed her great-grandchildren to do the unfathomable, dumping water of dangerously low temperatures upon her, thus sealing her grim fate and depriving her of what was surely at least months left of life to be lived.
We had a chance to speak to Scott Saunders, who was overcome with lamentation on account of his recent loss. “I can’t believe that people are still playing this treacherous abomination of a game or whatever it is after seeing such a drastic outcome.” Saunders, who was sobbing uncontrollably, took a moment to regain himself before continuing. “You all just wait. If this madness ensues, then soon it’ll be someone else’s grandma, maybe even yours.”
“Please don’t challenge me! I’m not ready to die.”
So there you have it, guys. Unless you want to end up like Scott’s grandmother, you should all probably heed this warning… especially because the all-too-convenient-for-this season of summer is nearing it’s end.
Written by Nicole Benson
A big thanks to Scott Saunders. May your grandmother rest in peace.